Success God's Way

You can be by yourself or married or in a crowd and feel lonely.  I had gone through a time when I felt extremely lonely no matter where I went.  It was something I expected to uproot myself and move to another country.  But it is still much more difficult that I expected.  Sadly, there are people around me that live here all their lives and they have not one close friend.

Elizabeth Gilbert defined Creative Living as "having the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you."  (I stumbled upon an interesting book by her called "Big Magic).   Of course, many of us don't live this way because of fear.  We are born with fear in order to keep us alive, so we cannot get rid of fear altogether.   What that means is that we need to make room for fear but not let it control our lives.  Strive to have a healthy relationship with FEAR.

Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.  We often think of losing someone we love when we think of grief.  Sure, that's when grief is most intense.  But there are also different types of grief, losing a job, an opportunity, a business deal, friends, things, familiar surroundings, a dream, an expected outcome, pets....etc.  A healthy person grieves regularly like Jesus, acquainted with grief.  Why is this important?  Because it is much like decluttering, grief makes room for new good things in our hearts. 

How do miracles happen?  We often think of candles, praying of the saints, some fainted on the ground, the statue of Jesus, perhaps zapping from heaven.   Something grand, something that everyone can see.  But often times, that's not how miracles happen.  Miracles happen in the everyday small things, very easily missed by most.  Miracles happens in not giving up and persist to do something God made you to do daily. Then suddenly, quietly, one day, miracle comes.  Miracles happen when you use what God gives you, your health, your good brain, your resourcefulness, your supportive friends.

2024 is my first year in Taiwan.  I don't normally do this, but I decided to reflect on this special year.  "We do not learn from an experience...we learn from reflecting on an experience."  ~John Dewey.  Moving to Taiwan feels like the story of a country mouse moving to the big city, plus so many more challenges such as language and culture.... etc. 

The week before Christmas, I went on a personal Jesus Retreat.  Taiwan is highly populated so there are people everywhere.  I love the people but sometimes I feel the need to get away.  Solitude gives me much time to reflect and for long ignored thoughts and feelings to emerge.  It also helps me hear God better without the noise of constant activities and demands.  This retreat wasn't in my plans at first, but I felt the need to schedule it one early morning. I guess God is reminding me, it's time to do this.  Once I did, I think I am going to make this my new Christmas tradition here in Taiwan.  What a concept!  Spending quality time with Jesus to celebrate His birthday.

This year 2024 is my first holiday experience in Taiwan.  Honestly, I was shocked how disappointed I feel.  Over the last 40 years in the U.S., I have developed some basic "must-have expectations" during the holidays.  Thanksgiving I had expectations of a family gathering, with turkey and pumpkin pie/whipped cream, and maybe a pumpkin placed at the front porch.  Christmas I also expected some lights outside the house, a tree with ornaments and presents under the tree, dinner get-together, Ham, mash potatoes, baking cookies, hot chocolate...etc. These are not high expectations because most people I knew had those same expectations during the holidays, some more elaborate than others.

I am suddenly interested in the character Joseph in the Christmas story.  Although the Bible had little recorded about him, he is quite an important person.  He was a young boy at the start of Christmas story because people marry young during those times.  When he first appeared in the Bible, I wonder what he was planning for his life?  He was a young carpenter about to marry this girl Mary whom he probably knew as a family friend.  I am sure he may want to build his house, and establish a small family with Mary, perhaps start his own carpenter business.  He wouldn't be making lots of money but probably would be able to support his family.  He planned to live quietly and contently. 

This is going to be my first Thanksgiving here in Taiwan.  People here do not celebrate Thanksgiving, but I can.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because I love the cooling temperature, leaves turning color, the turkey, pumpkins and all pumpkin flavored stuff, getting together with family, acorns and nuts..... I love so many things about autumn.  I don't have any of those things now but I realized I still have much to be grateful for here.  So, I compiled a very long list of things I can thank God for.  It's a reminder for me to come back to when I don't feel very grateful.

My life in Taiwan is getting increasingly busier.  Thankfully I went on my favorite Jesus Retreat to spend some uninterrupted time with God.  I came away so refreshed.  I soaked up His love for me as much as possible.  For the first time, I wrote personal love letters from God.  It was hard at first, but later became easier and a great tool for me to feel His unconditional love for me.

I read about a study with cancer patients and was astonished to find that those patients with friends are 45% less likely to die.  Wow.  Friends are important.  But in this technology age, making friends seem to be harder because we don't meet face to face as often.  Once my children become adults, my relationship with them transformed from parent-child to friends.  So, in discovering how to be a better friend, I am learning also how to better relate to my adult children.

A few years into my marriage, I began to notice something is off in our relationship.  I couldn't put a finger on it.  During courtship, he had relentless pursued me and when we were married, he started to ignore me and needs lots of space.  In fact, he prefers to be by himself in his room when no one is around.  His best days are when no one bothers him or demands anything from him.  I feel very much alone in my marriage.  Then from the lack of eye contact, his social anxiety, communication issues, extra sensitivity to smell/sounds, no empathy, and loves random, irrelevant details yet missing the big picture, I began to piece it together.  He is not crazy, he is autistic.  This began my long journey of coping and living with autism.  My sister recommended a book that really explains much of my husband's behavior in our relationship.  It's really great book to understand a spouse with Autism.  It's called "Neurodiverse Relationships" by Joanna Pike with Tony Attwood.