Being Hospitable

I was surprised how many people visited and stayed with me and how many people I visited after I moved to Taiwan.  When I was living in Fremont, CA, I rarely get visitors, and life was too busy for us to have people over.  I wanted to, but it always gets pushed down in the priorities.  In Taiwan, this new calling to be hospitable was unexpected.

This morning I read a passage about Abraham in Gen 18.  It was a hot day, Abraham sat under a big oak tree to cool off.  He saw in a distance three figures walking and standing in the hot sun.  What he did next was surprising to me, he ran to them and bowed down to the earth to show respect.  Then he begged them to come into his tent, wash their feet and get a bite to eat.  Once they agreed, immediately he killed the fatted calf and asked Sarah to prepare a meal fit for a king.  He set the feast before them and stood by while they ate, in case they needed something else. like a napkin or extra drink. I don't think Abraham knew the three men were angels, because angels don't really need to eat.  They probably looked like ordinary men.  Could it be that he was hospitable to all strangers passing by?  God wants us to be kind to strangers and travelers.  I knew that but by reading this text, I was again surprised by Abraham's kindness and generosity towards people he didn't know.

Before I moved, I imagined my life to be very boring here.  After all, I will be far from my kids and friends.  What was I supposed to be doing?  Other than laundry and some light cleaning, a couple of errands maybe.... I thought I'd be sitting around reading, surfing the internet, and listening to audio books.  Though there were days like that, God sent lots of people my way last month.  Perhaps it's because December is Christmas break and January is presidential election in Taiwan, lots of people travel here to Taiwan during this time.  A week after I arrived, my friend came to stay with us for more than a week.  She was my elementary school friend who lives in London, and she came to Kaohsiung to visit a few relatives.   We agreed for her to stay with me because there is an extra room with a single bed.  It was a memorable time of catching up and exploring the city together.  Later my brother and his kids stayed and visited me.  In between, I also visited our childhood pastor, friends, and relatives.

I wonder if having much fewer possessions make it easier to be hospitable.  In the US, I had so much stuff and when I wanted to have people over, I'm most worried about cleaning up.  It probably didn't matter to them, but I felt conscious about inviting people over when my house is untidy or dirty.  Then I expected myself to cook a fabulous meal for them and clean up immediately. Needless to say, it always created lots of stress about having people over.  Here in Taiwan, the apartment is so small, it takes less than an hour to clean.  Food is so inexpensive so we could eat out or just bring food back to eat.  Tidying up is simple because we only owned few things.  Not a big deal.  Surprisingly, I get to spend more time with people who are important to me when I live simply.

Why do we need to be hospitable?  I think in this age of technology, relating in person and showing love to let them know that they matter is more important than ever.  Being hospitable is sharing your private life with them, whether it's eating a meal or offering them a room in your home.  You are also scheduling time in your busy life to spend quality time with them.   Maybe you say, "wouldn't it be costly?"  It's true you will be spending money (buying extra food), time/effort needed to clean before and after, and loss of precious time doing things with them.  But wait, you also get benefits out of being hospitable.  Abraham, in being hospitable, unknowingly had an encounter with the Lord and His angels, and his hospitality gets recorded in the Bible as an example for us to follow.  There are also several great benefits that you gain:

-It cultivates our people skills.  Do you know anyone who is a genius but lack people skills?  They are not fun to be with and sadly, they have no friends.  We don't want to be those people.  How do we cultivate better people skills?  You are correct.... by spending time with people.  Learn to relate in person, be fully present, be a good listener, have fun, and build memories.

-It builds support network and connection.  After you start cultivating friendships and relationships, you feel less alone.  When you need something, you will have people ready to support you.  Generosity begets generosity.  Hospitable people will not lack friends.

-You are happier.  When you are building relationships and showing love and giving to others, that's when you are most happy.  Statics show that the most unhappy people are often isolated and stingy.  Happy people are giving and generous.

-You learn something from them.  Friends offer new perspectives in life, and if you are open to it, you may learn something new.  My childhood friend is a Jounalist, and she loves art and historical sites.  She is also fluent in Mandarin.  She jumpstarted my Mandarin listening skills and I learned to appreciate art and historical sites and a bit about Taiwan history by going to visit all those places.  I would have never visited those places on my own.  Friends add color to our lives.

Your benefits outweigh the cost for sure.  You could probably come up with more benefits intellectually, but what good is talking about it without practicing? Unless you start being hospitable, you will not receive these benefits.  This is one thing that we do get better as we practice.  So start inviting someone over.

When you invite people over, just remember a few tips:

-Your house doesn't have to be pristine.  Most of your friends are not here to inspect your clutter and cleanliness.  One of my best memories with another homeschooling family of 5 children was being together in their messy house eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

-Learn to be present.  As much as possible, be present with your guest, put your phone on silent, and clear your calendar.  I went to visit someone who immediately rushed us to the restaurant when we stepped in the house.  Then as we were finishing the last bite of the food at the restaurant, he rushed us back to the house so he could get back to work and whatever else he wanted to do.  When your guest is over, take time to listen and reconnect....put other things on hold.  Time is the greatest gift you give to them.

-Listen with an open mind.  We all have strong opinions on somethings.  Try to avoid controversial topics.  Even if you disagree, just listen with the intent to try to understand.  You do not have to agree, but you can hear their point of view without judging.  You can always say, "You might be right".   

-Do something fun together.  Our lives are so busy that we often neglected fun things.  This is a time to create fun memories together.  When my parents passed away, I treasure memories all the more because it was what we had left.  Memories can last forever, and they are priceless.  It's the best gift ever.

There you have it!  Last reason, God loves it when we love other people.  Picture God giving you a thumbs up and a big smile in heaven.

• Hebrews 13:2: Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
• 1 Peter 4:9: Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.
• Romans 12:13: Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.