Last week I went to this little island Liuqiu with my cousins. It was so much fun and we tried so many different things for the first time. I am not naturally the fun person; I wasn't sure if I knew how to have fun when I was a kid. Our culture discourages us from having fun because it was viewed as being irresponsible and a waste of time/money. But in my recovery journey, I rediscovered the importance of having fun.
Someone I knew had both parents in their 90's and every week they consistently invited their friends over for a game of bridge and lunch. Fun is such an integral part of their lives and that is one of the reasons they live so long. I am sure you also know someone who is fun and live a long healthy life. Sometimes we get into a rut and drudgery. Life becomes very serious and full of duties. The list of to-dos get longer and longer and fun gets pushed to the very bottom of the priority. That was me for years and years. I'm sure there are people on the other spectrum who are irresponsible and spent all their money having fun, that's not what I'm recommending to you. But if you are like me, who is overly serious and responsible, I encourage you to put a bit of fun back in your life.
This trip with my cousins actually just kind of happened and my sister did most of our planning for us. All I had to do was clearing out my schedule and show up. I discovered that as I get older, I feel more discomfort when facing new environment. My cousin's family has a lot of dietary restrictions, and they are caring for their elderly parents, so I am super proud of them for making some time for fun. It is so good to be with family, especially here in Taiwan, so I jumped on the opportunity.
Fun killers
What are some excuses for not making fun a priority?
Limited resources
"I don't have time." "It costs too much." Many of us have very full schedules and getting away isn't easy. I have been there before. You may not be able to take 3 days off, but you can start by taking a couple of hours off and do some things you enjoy. When I started recovery, I met a super fun friend and every Saturday we would do at least dinner and sometimes movie. We went hiking at local national parks, thrift shopping, saw the ocean, visited friends, checked out local things to do.... etc. Things that don't take a lot of time or money. She is super adventurous and fun. I miss her so much. She helped me discover the value of having fun. I made some long road trips on my own that didn't cost a lot. Those fun times are so memorable and worth the time and money I spent on it. I would totally do it again. After my parents passed away, I discovered that memories are so priceless because I can hold on to them for a lifetime. So, you cannot put a price tag on creating fun memories. After I went on my trip, I still have a roof over my head and food to eat. Maybe I can afford it after all, probably so can you.
Risks involved
This is a big one for me. When I have never tried something before, it is a little scary. This trip, I rented and rode electric bikes for the first time. There were a lot of scooters, and the roads are narrow and windy. I was a bit scared, so I rented the slower e-bike, the one more like the regular bicycle. I had to walk up hill a few times. I kind of regret not renting the faster bike a bit like the motorcycle. I kayaked for the first time. I have very flat feet and have not worn non-supported shoes for a long time. Not only we have to go barefooted, the dock is also made of just a few plastic cubes tied together. I was very anxious getting on the kayak. There is a lot of what-if's running through my mind. "What if the waves get choppy? What if we flipped over?" One of the best advice that my accountability partner gave me was to "do it scared." So, I felt my fears and did it anyway. Once I got out there on the open water, it was so peaceful and beautiful. I got back safely and was glad I did it.
When we rented the snorkeling gears and went out there, there were lots of doubts. "Should we go in? Are the waves too big? Is there fish here? How much time will we spend here? Is this a good decision? ...... I just kept moving in the direction of the beach and we ended up having the best time. I did it scared. Praise God for the beautiful underwater world that few of us see. We saw sea turtles and tropical fish of all colors. But sometimes the fear and risks are so loud that we ended up not trying it and we miss the fun.
What helped me in this area is:
1) Have your buddies with you. It made a world of difference to be with my cousin's family because they are also scared. When we are scared together, we have a bit more courage because I know if something happens to me, they will help me.
2) Know that it has been done before. Just because this is your first time facing this new activity and you are scared does not mean it's impossible. Other people have done it. So can you. How did I know that beach is the right beach to snorkel in? There are all these other people snorkeling and diving there. They have not died. It is possible. I can try it too.
What are some benefits of adding some fun in your life?
Physical benefits
Lots of studies showed that fun can reduce stress, improve sleep, improve memory, increase energy.... there is probably more, but you can google it. The most obvious reason is that when we do fun stuff, we feel younger and happier. I know I did. I felt happy I can still enjoy some new fun activities and I felt proud of myself for doing it (though my body ached.) I felt alive and refreshed.
Improve social skills
Lots of fun activities we do with other people, and so we will need to communicate and work out details. It will lessen social anxiety. We naturally connect with each other when we have fun because often, we are happy and playful.
Do your work better
When we take a break from our stressful work environment, our brain gets a nice break, and our mind gets to run free for a while. We come back to work more creative and productive. Sometimes things I couldn't figure out, I'm able to resolve after having some fun and break time. I know for sure that I sure appreciate things in my life much more when I step away for a while. I gain a new passion to do my work well.
Helps with emotional healing
CR always emphasizes balance. We work on a lot of negative things and emotions. But we also learn that life isn't all bad. We learn to have fun. In my CR family, we always have summer BBQ and Christmas party. Occasionally, we have a movie or watch a game together. Sometimes, a spontaneous person would send out text to the group and whoever can make it all went to a lunch or movie together. We have fun. Fun is part of recovery. How I miss my CR family..... We had so much good laughs together. Having fun reminds us of the important things in life. Maybe after that, our problems and struggles won't seem so huge, or we will regain strength or new perspective to face our issues and problems. Real fun helps us face our problems.
There you have it. Even if you do not have a propensity to have fun, you need to add it into your life little by little. I started very small and noticed the difference. I like the fun Chris, other people like me better too. Then I wanted more, and I started to prioritize it. Maybe I never had a fun childhood, but who says it cannot start today? Fun is not optional, it is necessary. Fun is the secret to feeling alive. Put down your guards and add some fun in life. Loosen up a bit and Practice having fun until fun becomes fun.
I like this youtube on TED talk. (12 min)
Catherine Price: Why having fun is the secret to a healthier life | TED Talk
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